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The last few days have left me feeling a little strange. I’m not sure what brought it on but I suppose it could be a culmination of things. As some of you will know the last seven or eight months my migraines have become much more frequent. Migraine is a complex business with no two people having the exact same combination of triggers and symptoms. You simply have to work out what those triggers are and avoid them as best you can. You have to manage it. There’s plenty of information on migraine out there so I’m not going to ramble on too much about it. The only reason I mention it is because during the week I went to an acupuncturist for a consultation. I don’t want to be on medication for the migraine long term so my plan is to gradually come off it and hopefully control it through acupuncture and yoga. Not so coincidentally, 7 or 8 months ago was when I stopped practicing yoga on a regular basis. The consultation fascinated me because it confirmed something I had suspected as to why migraines had become more frequent and that is grief. Although 16 years has passed since my father died I know myself that processing that loss has only really begun in the last three or so years. The whole thing kind of overwhelmed me. It’s strange even for me to try and get my head around the fact that I’m trying to deal with something that happened over half my entire lifetime ago. Of course it isn’t solely responsible for the migraines and there are other factors too but I am a firm believer that the mental and emotional state we are in manifests itself physically. It is our bodies way of communicating with us. The point of this wasn’t for me to get too bogged down in what I’m feeling but to say that it’s ok not to feel strong all the time. We all have this external armor that we put on to go out and face the world but sometimes you just have to accept that we are human. Even during my yoga class this morning I didn’t feel as secure and confident as I normally would in certain postures. Yoga is interesting that way because if you really are distracted and not truly present in the class it tells in your ability to hold a pose with ease. At that point I just accepted it. Normally yoga makes me feel strong. Something as simple as achieving a more difficult pose gives me a boost and strengthens my self belief in other areas of my life. But today I just felt a little less in control but I figured… that’s fine. I’m not going to feel that way everyday. That’s just how I feel today and that’s ok.

If I could wolf whistle at a country it would most certainly be Switzerland. How I ended up going there is as a result of my sometimes questionable spontaneous streak. That trait has brought me on some of my biggest adventures and although sometimes I wonder if I’m doing the right thing I know that if nothing else I’ll have a story or two to tell as a result. I booked this mini trip in the pits of January when like many others I was craving something to look forward to and something to remind me that life is an adventure. Going solo was actually one of the best parts about the trip and despite some reservations about it I would do it again without hesitation.

I set off last Friday morning from Cork to make my way to Dublin airport. My flight to Geneva was departing at 17.15pm but ended up being about an hour or so late. Thankfully, the duration of the flight was just under 2 hours and with the exception of a bumpy landing it was a very pleasant journey. I had been warned that Geneva was an expensive city and I was prepared, or at least I thought I was. The currency is Swiss Francs and it’s relatively close to the euro when converted so when I say that my bottle of water was 6.50 Swiss Francs, it was more or less €6.50. I made my way to the hotel and my first impressions of the city were good. Even at 10pm at night I could see it was going to be a beauty when day light hit. I checked in and was delighted to find that the hotel was literally minutes from the lake. After roughly 11 hours of traveling I went to bed as soon as I had settled and was excited for the morning so I could explore.

On Saturday morning I woke at about 7am and pretty much jumped out of bed, had a quick shower and left for an early morning stroll. Breakfast could wait an hour or so as the weather was beautiful and I couldn’t wait to see what this picturesque little city had to offer. As the sun hid behind the clouds I could see the mountain peaks in the distance. There was a stillness to the lake that was so calm you would have seen even the slightest ripple. After about an hour of taking in my temporary surroundings I decided food was probably a good idea. I found a lovely little café where they made me a delicious bagle for breakfast. Although French is the language spoken in Geneva most people had adequate English for me to get by quite easily. I would have been comfortable enough with French anyway if necessary as my years of school french classes came flooding back. I was delighted to find that I actually understood and could grasp many of the conversations going on around me. After breakfast, I decided I should find the bus station where I was due to meet a tour later in the afternoon. It took me about an hour to find it and as it was still quite early I went back down to the lake. The Jet D’Eau fountain was now in action. When I had been to lake earlier in the morning it wasn’t but now it was. This huge fountain is one of the cities main landmarks and is the perfect addition to the horizon.

I spent most of my morning just walking up and down the lakeside taking in as much of the view as I could. For the afternoon I set off on seeing the rest of the city. Geneva is famous for the international quarters and plays host to some of the biggest international organisations in the world including the United Nations, World Health Organisation and UNICEF to name a fraction. One of the more unusual sites in Geneva is that of the giant broken chair which stands outside the United Nations. There is a relatively simple concept behind it, to remind us of the sufferings of landmine victims and to encourage the prohibition of such ammunition.

The highlight of my trip was Sunday morning. One of the main reasons I chose Geneva as a place to visit was because of the spectacular Chateaux de Chillon. It’s about an hour outside of Geneva but is easy to reach by train. Sunday morning I got the 9.30am train to Montreux. There was also the option to go via Lauseanne, another small town of equal beauty no doubt. The train station was literally about 1 minute from my hotel and although the return ticket set me back 62 francs, I figured when am I really going to have the chance to see this place again so I parted with the cash and found my platform. The views from the train alone let me know that I was heading for some serious scenes of mother nature at her best. I was blessed with another morning of good weather and all I can say was that Montreux did not disappoint. Breathtaking views welcomed me from the moment I stepped onto the main street. From having researched before leaving I knew it was possible to walk to the castle and that there should also be a bus. I hopped on the bus and after about 10 – 12 minutes it stopped across from the castle. It was surreal to be seeing the scenes in front of me, the same imagery that had prompted me to book this trip in the first place. To say I was in awe of the landscape around me is an understatement. I was speechless. I’ve always been more of a mountain admirer than a beach girl and that hasn’t changed. The vastness and clarity of the lake, the clouds floating down to meet the top of the mountains and the backdrop of blue were enough to put any post card to shame.

I also took a tour of the castle and wandered around throughout the grounds. It truly is one of the most beautiful places I have seen to date.

I reluctantly tore myself away after a few hours and headed back to Geneva. I could have stayed there admiring it for hours more but the train loomed in the back of my mind and the weather was starting to break anyway. I was grateful that I had sunshine for my visit as it really did make all the difference. The forecast for the weekend had not been good at all and so I think I was more than a little lucky to have gotten the weather I did. Back in Geneva it was colder and damper but after dinner I did one last stroll around before heading back for the evening and preparing for my trip back home. Geneva is such a pretty place and I would recommend a visit but I think 2 days is plenty here especially given the costs. All in all it was a fantastic trip which I thoroughly enjoyed and although only 7days ago it feels like a distant memory already which means I have all the more reason to plan my next holiday!

Image – Yahoo images.

Something I have been hearing a lot about recently is the power of positive thinking. Perhaps it’s something to do with the aura of New Year still loitering around. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know many people have been saying for a long time that positive thinking will always get you further than negative, but I have to put my hand up and say by nature I tend to be a sceptic. The clichés about positivity are plentiful. Always look on the bright side, the glass is half full. I naturally just squirm at the sheer cheesiness of it all. However, I have started to open my mind to the fact that maybe there is something in it.

Anyone who knows me knows that writing is something I have pursued for the majority of my life. It has taken many different shapes and forms over the years, featured strongly at times and been pushed into the background at others, but it has always been my source of solace. So when I realised that this is what I wanted to chase a bit more seriously in life, it took me by surprise. It shouldn’t have, you would think that because I have done it all my life that it would have been pretty obvious but you would be surprised how long it can take people to actually realise something that is staring them in the face. The point I’m getting at is that now I know I want to be a writer but don’t quite have the confidence to refer to myself as one. I spoke with someone recently at my brother’s wedding who asked me what I do and when I told her I work in an office but what I really want to do is write she told me well then, you need to be referring to yourself as a writer. That you need to believe it.

Another source of this recent positive thinking mantra that I stumbled upon  was the story of Andrea Hayes. Andrea Hayes is a familiar face in media. She has worked in front of the camera as a presenter as well as in the production side. She suffered with an invisible illness resulting in chronic pain caused by disc degeneration and spinal stenosis. It was discovered in 2013 that she had a rare brain disorder Chiari Malformation 1. Effectively, Andrea took control of her own healing and believes that we can use our subconscious to change our health and our lives. She has free downloads on her website http://www.andreahayes.ie which encourage you to visualise the things you want in life and that by really believing and visualising, you can achieve the goals and happiness you want in life. Initially, this is something I wouldn’t have given a second thought to but I have listened to a few, they are growing on me and I am keeping an open mind. Her website is well worth checking out if you want to start thinking more positively.

So, is there truth in “I think therefore I am”. The phrase first came about in Latin as “Cogito ergo sum” as a philosophical proposition by René Descartes. Philosophical sayings like these will often divide opinion and I suppose there won’t ever be a definitive answer. It will be very much up to the individual as to whether they believe their good fortune and blessings have come about from luck, hard work or the belief that positive thinking and visualisation contributed. I think for the majority of us it’s a combination of all of the above so I will leave it at that and let everyone make up their own minds!

Image – Google Images

It gathers momentum and strength in the background

Seeping back and forth unsuspectingly.

It’s silent at first, like a shadow mimicking your every move building trust, becoming part of you.

The presence becomes more apparent.

You attempt to ignore it, but that only feeds it.

You acknowledge it, observe it, and face it as the power continues to build.

That unsuspecting motion now towers above you

Using your own knowledge to drown you.

Crashing down suddenly you succumb to the inevitable and struggle to catch your breath.

You’re left overwhelmed, confused and exhausted.

Standing still you wait to retrieve your senses,

Looking back in disbelief as the wave returns to a harmless murmur trickling in the background

And leaving you wondering how this happened…

again.

As we prepare to welcome a new year many will wonder what resolutions or efforts they should implement, or attempt to implement, in 2017. While fitness regimes and vows of new healthy eating will be commonplace, many will also be considering how they can better manage their finances for 2017. A new year can be a good time to sit and re- evaluate our spending and try, if possible, to make some adjustments for the better.

Our financial pressures vary greatly from person to person. It depends on where you are in life and your personal circumstances. Whether you are married or single, whether you have children or not, what your family situation is, how much savings you have, your living situation and many other details factor greatly so there is no one size fits all approach to managing money. The range of financial pressures that we as a society deal with on a daily basis is frightening. Rising car insurance, car tax, fuel, rent, phone bills, credit cards, debt repayments, taxes on almost absolutely everything. All that before you even consider education costs, medical costs and childcare. The list is endless and so trying to save is near impossible for a large portion of people. The expectations placed on people to manage all of these bills and still be expected to come up with thousands for mortgage deposits is ridiculous, but that is a whole other post in itself.

Frequency of pay can also be difficult to manage. I recently switched from weekly payments to monthly and while I had been paid monthly in many previous employments, I had gotten quite accustomed to my weekly salary. The first month after the changeover was certainly the most challenging and waiting for pay day to roll around seemed like an eternity. Granted, I am now on my third month, I have gotten more used to it but nonetheless, ensuring your money gets you from one end of the month to the next requires a lot more careful consideration. When paid weekly, if you run out of cash by Wednesday you know you only have a day or two before you will be topped up again and the stark reality with monthly is not only do you have to wait four weeks for a pay cheque, sometimes the month squeezes in an extra couple of days. Yes, we all love those five week months don’t we? Another aspect of managing monthly is many of us will have direct debits and bills to pay based around when we get paid and so when you press the quick check balance on your mobile banking app and see a nice, healthy amount staring back at you, you know it won’t be staying that way for long with bills being deducted almost immediately. Substantial amounts of your wages are gone quite quickly meaning you are left scraping by until the next pay day for most of the month. It’s as if you are running on deficit all the time.

Each month before being paid I try and come up with some kind of a budget. I write down as many of my expenses for the upcoming month as possible and an estimate of those bills just to give me some kind of an idea on how much will be going out and how much disposable income I will actually have. Granted, some months have a lot less than others because no two months will have the exact same bills or amount of bills.

The reality is that financial pressures are some of the biggest concerns that our society has and I dread to think where people would be without organisations such as Cork Penny Dinners and St. Vincent De Paul as well as so many other local charities. These charities have enabled people to survive by providing food and other necessities so that our scandalous rents and other bills can continue to be paid. MABS is also another fantastic organisation which can assist people in devising budgets and guiding them to utilise their finances in the best possible way.  As 2017 approaches it would be nice to think that a fairer society is on the horizon but it is difficult to imagine. While I know money can’t, and won’t, ever be a solution for all problems knowing that you and your loved ones are financially secure is certainly a big weight lifted from our shoulders. For now, Euromillions will just have to stop playing hard to get and let me win already!

Image – Yahoo Images.com

This year has seen some significant changes for me. I suppose the most prominent one is my work life. This time last year I quit my previous job after putting my heart and soul into it since returning home from Prague. I didn’t have anything else lined up and I’m sure there were plenty of people who thought I was taking a pretty big risk. The simple reason was that I was no longer content, work had become my life and it was overwhelming. So, on the 8th of January 2016 I walked out the door a happy woman, set off to Barcelona with a friend for a few days and then ventured to Amsterdam with another friend a short while after. Then, and only then, did I begin to look for a new job. I spent about 8 weeks unemployed and thankfully started my new role in the beginning of March of this year. It has introduced me to a whole new industry and a whole new community of people and has most certainly been a very positive addition to my life.

This year also saw me feed the little travel bug that lingers around in me. As mentioned, January saw me visit the beautiful Barcelona, February..the fantastic Amsterdam and September saw me return to Rome! All three were very different experiences that were incredibly enjoyable. In 2017, I would hope to do more of the same with Scandinavia and Croatia being two destinations which come to mind. I have wanted to visit Croatia now for quite some time but Scandinavia is a relatively new obsession. Of course, neither will be cheap so careful budgeting may influence these choices heavily!

Writing, the anchor that seems to ground me after most significant events in my life, has also played a big part in my year. I dip in and out of writing depending on what’s going on in my personal life and I’ve eventually learned that it needs to be a constant, so anything that disallows me to write isn’t going to be sticking around for too long. Creating a space in my home which is solely for writing was therapeutic for me. Everything from painting the room, to assembling furniture, to adding my own personal quirks has been great! A few online publications boosted my confidence to keep writing and a few rejections reminded me that perseverance is crucial and to take the knock backs on the chin and just keep going. Entering competitions has also been an achievement for me. Often I lack the discipline to edit and re-write pieces so I forced myself to critique my work and submit it. No prizes were won, nor did I expect them to be, especially as fiction wouldn’t be my first choice of writing style, but I entered and for this year, that is enough. I hope that 2017 will see me continue to pursue writing and look for as many opportunities as possible.

This year I am happy with what I have achieved and where I am. There is still plenty I want to do but for now I am happy with the goals I have reached. I have been mindful and made choices that were good for me, been self compassionate and continued to learn about what makes me…well me! I hope the new year will bring plenty more blessings so here’s to 2017!

Barcelona

We are always thought to never judge a book by its cover. It’s one of those childhood lessons that’s right up there with never talking to strangers. Yet, judging a book by its cover is something we probably all do from time to time, and I mean that in the literal sense as well as in our daily lives towards people we meet. We live in such a fast paced, instantaneous society where first impressions and snap judgements are rife that we have forgotten to not just pick up the book but to read the introduction, the first few chapters and maybe even the whole thing before deciding what we think.

The easy thing to do is to look at the outside perception, the home someone lives in, the car they drive or the clothes they wear. The easy thing to do is to stick by the first judgement you made of someone that may have been true then but could be vastly out of date now disallowing for any personal growth or change. Perhaps you had merit to dislike someone in the past for behaviour towards you or someone you know but maybe, just maybe, that person has realised their errors.

Giving people a chance is so important and often the more you learn about people the easier it becomes to understand them and why they are the way they are. That insight is invaluable and sometimes the more pages of that person’s story you turn, the more appreciation you might find yourself having for them. You will find, that in most cases you have been proved wrong and that’s okay too because at the end of the day we’re all human and none of us are, or will be, perfect. Ever. We do make mistakes but as long as we’re willing to correct those errors and admit to them then we can move on.

In saying all this, I’m still a strong advocate for trusting your gut and I think the key is balance. Sometimes your gut is right and your first impression could be accurate, spot on even, but still.. always scratch the surface enough to KNOW that your instinct is right. Otherwise, you could be making a completely wrong judgement on someone who could have nothing but good things to offer.

Recent months have reawakened this childhood lesson for me. I have learned things about people I thought I knew and it turns out in some cases I was wrong. Some people had a lot more substance to them than I initially thought. It opened my eyes to the fact that although I trust my instincts sometimes there is more to people than meets the eye and this is something I will bring with me going forward to 2017. Everyday is a learning curve.

Society is gradually becoming more aware of the connection between the mind and body. For so long the two have been treated as completely separate entities but in reality the bond between them is solid. The relationship between the two has become a philosophy I live by.  I find it fascinating, mainly because I experience the effects one has on the other quite intensely when I do neglect one, or both of them. Often, the connection between them is so fluid we’re not even aware of it. A simple example being hunger, the physical tells the mental what to do. We feel hungry and our brains know we have to eat, but how often are we really aware of that connection. It’s so simple yet something which is continuously taken for granted.

Of course it runs far deeper than that. Think about your body in relation to different feelings and emotions. When we feel emotions, different physical symptoms arise depending on that emotion. When anxious, our heart beats faster or our stomach may be in knots and depending on our level of self awareness we either fall further into the grips of that emotion or mindfully acknowledge it and recognise that although we are feeling it, we don’t embody it. It’s something we’re feeling at that present moment and it will pass. Emotions are impulsive but don’t last and can be reduced through physical actions. For me, a yoga technique where breathing is alternated between the nostrils is one that really grounds me in moments of anxiety. It not only calms the mind but also the body. If you learn to observe your emotions before they take over it can be extremely beneficial. It empowers you to be more in control of your entire being (mind and body) and your behaviour as a result.

The physical and mental are further integrated through exercise like yoga. There is sometimes a misconception with yoga in that it focuses only on poses but in reality, yoga combines physical and mental strength. It’s as much about your ability to improve mental focus as it is to achieve strength and flexibility. Often, the more you relax concentration on the physical pose and put your attention on the breathing, the easier it becomes to achieve the movement. It’s a form of exercise that requires patience and persistence but one that can really improve your mental well-being as well as your physical. If I miss yoga, or skip walking for long periods of time I notice a restlessness in me that’s uncomfortable and agitated.

Another aspect I wanted to mention is the impact of alcohol. As I have gotten further into my twenties the appeal of alcohol has lessened dramatically.  The physical nausea, tiredness and of course, “the fear” are just some of the reasons. We all know what someone means when they say they have “the fear” but summarising it can be quite difficult. I think it differs slightly for everyone but for me it usually involves extreme anxiety, not just about the night itself, but about work, relationships and sometimes profound realisations. These are all things as humans we think about anyway but after a bout of drinking they heighten to new levels. It isn’t just alcohol. Personally, even if I alter my diet I notice changes to my levels of anxiety and general mood. It makes perfect sense. What we put into our bodies is fuel. If you put diesel in a petrol car you certainly won’t have a pleasant journey. Our bodies are the same.

A knock on effect for me when stressed or worn out means I have to put up with migraine. They can be triggered by a number of very sensitive factors and mean I have to look after myself all the more. Symptoms vary for everyone but I tend to get an aura which involves an unsettling visual effect. The reason I bring this up is not only because it further demonstrates how important self care is but my ability to manage them, has improved through mindfulness and breath work. For those who experience aura they know they’re not pleasant and while previously I was frightened by them, I now have enough self awareness to pause, acknowledge what’s happening and begin my breath work. The exercise distracts me from the sensation until it passes. Learning how to stay calm is something which has really helped me with this and it further reiterates how mindset can help manage physical symptoms.

The relationship between the mind and the body is undeniable. What you do with one will play out through the other and it’s a relationship which is vastly underestimated. Self awareness is something everybody should invest in and it should be introduced in our education system. Take the time to learn about yourself, to heal from past experiences, to invest in yourself and give yourself the self care and compassion you need. Irish people have a tendency to put ourselves down and shrug things off with some humorous remark but it’s important to look after yourself and that includes the mind and body.  Counselling, yoga, writing, educating myself, self observation and various life experiences have all contributed to my self awareness and it will continue to be an important part of my life. The interesting thing is that what led me to start all this was something I thought, at the time, I would never get over and in a strange way it has been one of the best things to ever happen me.Self awareness  has completely changed how I live on a daily basis and it has been as a result of years of learning, reflecting and growing. I would encourage everyone to embark on the same journey. Look after all of you because the mental and the physical are intertwined and caring for both will mean a healthier, happier life.

Earlier this week I watched Brendan O’Connor’s “Cutting Edge” programme on RTÉ. I wouldn’t always have a been a fan of Brendan O’Connor in the past but on the few occasions when I have sat down to watch this show, I have enjoyed it. Newstalk’s Chris O’Donoghue is a regular guest on the show and is, in my opinion, a fantastic broadcaster. The show is feisty while still keeping news and current affairs at the top of it’s agenda.

This week, Vogue Williams appeared on the show along with Niamh Horan of the Sunday Independent. There was debate on the topic of body shaming and while I didn’t see it during the show I watched it back when I heard there was controversy. Niamh Horan, and I will admit this is the first experience I have had of her in the media as I don’t know much about her writing, came across to me as completely ridiculous. Vogue, who is a model, but someone I believe has a great deal of substance behind her, has been body shamed through social media. People have called her fat, blatently. It is one hundred percent unacceptable to comment on someone’s weight whether they are overweight, underweight or otherwise and the fact that Niamh Horan demeans this to just being someones opinion is crazy. Yes, Vogue puts herself out there and people can have opinions but no body said they have to poison the rest of the world with those opinions.Haven’t they heard the saying if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything? Obviously not! Horan goes on to say that if she puts an article out there people can like it or dislike it and that is there opinion and that that is no different to people commenting on Vogue’s weight simply because that’s their opinion. Insanity. Sounds like one woman jealous of another woman if you ask me…

As someone who has pretty much grown up with people commenting on my weight I can honestly say there is nothing more annoying than people passing remarks. People make vast assumptions and believe they are right when they really have no idea what that person’s story is nor have they a right to. Chances are if you are close to the person you will know their past in more detail anyway but this notion that people think it’s ok to call someone X,Y or Z based on their build is one that drives me absolutely crazy. Needless to say I won’t be making any intense efforts to familiarise myself further with Niamh Horan in the future. Rant over.