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I was never an overly confident person. My teenage years are an era I would rather not ever relive. They were plagued with self doubt, lack of self-confidence and at times chronically low self-esteem. I wasn’t in the “cool” gang, I didn’t necessarily consider myself to be pretty and doing well in school was what I clung to. I did that to feel like I was achieving something, that I was making my Dad proud and that although I may not be overly popular at least I had good education results. Next month I turn twenty-eight, something I can hardly digest myself. Over the last ten years I have learned a lot about a lot and if I had time back would I do things any differently? Probably not, mistakes have made me who I am but I certainly would give 18 year old me some tips…

Friends- You’ll make new friends and you’ll keep old ones. You’ll drift too and from both groups. You may be able to combine both but the fundamentals of each of those friendships is different. You will bond with different people about different experiences and you will probably always relate to different friends about different things. Friends change, so will you. That’s ok. Let people go. I once read that sometimes people only come into your life to teach you something and then they leave. You will move at different paces to your friends. Emotionally you will all experience different things and you can’t expect them to be able to relate to your exact adventures and experiences, nor can they expect you to relate directly to theirs.

Relationships- You’ll fall hard, not often, but when you do you really do. Don’t lose yourself when this happens. Remember what you enjoy and make time for those things even in the depths of this new fascination. Remember that they will hurt. It will feel like no other pain that you have felt before but give yourself time and you will come through it. It doesn’t matter how long this takes, that is your business and no one elses.

Family- Your family, like every family, will have tough times as well as good. Remember that each have their own lives to live and you cannot control how they choose to do that. There will be disagreements as well as hilarious memories that only ye can relate to. Cherish them all.

Money- At times you will think that the definition of success is having money. It’s not. Money is necessary for survival, yes, but it shouldn’t dictate your life or how you choose to live it. Be sensible with it but also be adventurous with it. Go places, do things, spend savings to have that adventure.. It will always be worth it. Balance is key.

Confidence- This is a big one. You’ll struggle with this for a while but you’ll grow more self assured. That’s not to say you’re invincible. Of course you will have times when you feel vulnerable but you will learn to trust yourself and your judgement as you get older. Have confidence in your abilities, you will do things that people never thought you would do when you were younger. You will work hard at this one, sometimes too hard… but you’ll recognise this too in time. Know that you are your own rock, regardless of the situation. Allow others to help you but trust in yourself. Make sure others respect you and don’t hold onto people who don’t. Don’t allow them to diminish you in any way.

Take risks- Do the unexpected. Listen to your last minute gut instincts to change your CAO. Move to London right after college, give into the fact that it didn’t work and come back, move to Thailand, move to Prague, take up people’s invitations, feel the isolation and loneliness and lack of control, recognise when you want to return home and know that every mishap will teach you something. Be proud of the risks you have taken and don’t be afraid to take more. Listen to yourself and what it is that you really want and then go and get it and if you fail…. that’s fine too.

A Sunday night of a bank holiday weekend, we all know before we even start that there will be guaranteed crowds, plenty of queues and far too much alcohol consumption. Throw in Halloween and the ever popular Cork Jazz Festival and it becomes a whole new level.

Before I start, I did have a very enjoyable night out but what struck me most when venturing from one pub to another was just how many people there were who had no idea where they were. I lost count of the amount of girls with no shoes on which was worrying as there was literally glass everywhere. They all seemed completely oblivious! Another was literally passed out on a bar and what was more baffling to me was that everyone was acting like it was completely normal. The bar staff continued to serve around her, those sitting at the bar near her made little or no attempt to bring her home. It’s not to say that I have never drank too much because I certainly have and I’m sure there will be times in the future where I do again but it bothered me that this particular girl was just left there in quite a vulnerable state. Maybe I’m just getting older but I thought it was awful to watch.

Walking down Oliver Plunkett Street on our way to get a taxi looked like a real life zombie walk. People were so drunk they had that glazed look in their eye, wondering aimlessly. It’s far from amusing but with the various Halloween costumes people were wearing it really did look like some kind of a zombie film.

Just to point out, the Jazz is great and Halloween is great. Neither of these occasions were to blame for the spectacle and I’m sure most weekends are similar (minus the costumes) but when you take a step back and look at just how much people drink it’s baffling…

On that note, Happy Halloween!

Prague zombie walk 2014

Images from Prague Zombie walk 2014

As November approaches, and dare I say the C word, Christmas, I struggle to comprehend just how fast this year has gone. It sounds like a bit of a cliché but in all honesty, I actually don’t know where this year has gone. It’s so easy to forget that with each passing day, weeks are rolling into months, and those into years. The idea that we have all the time in the world to fulfil our dreams becomes all the more unrealistic but often there is so much we want to accomplish. I can’t speak for everyone but personally in each different area of my life I have things I want to achieve but finding the time to manage each one can be difficult, yet if we don’t, we may find ourselves later in life wondering why we haven’t done all the things we wanted to do.

I suppose the first one that comes to mind is our professional lives. We all need a salary in order to live (unless you have won the lotto, another activity I am pursuing!) but in most cases we all have to work. I used to think that the title I had was important but I realised that it’s far more beneficial to be content at work and to have a healthy balance between life and career. Sometimes, I still find myself comparing my achievements to others but I’m slowly realising that what we see on social media are, more often than not, only the high points in people’s lives. From time to time people will ask me if I’m working in the industry that I studied for in University and truthfully, I’m not. I studied New Media and English and then went on to study Public Relations both with one subtle driving force in mind, I want to write. I have dipped in and out of jobs that incorporated this but for various reasons I’m now somewhere completely different. It has been a blessing but I still want to write so that is what I plan to do. To be a published author would be the dream but it takes a lot of time and commitment and often, a lot of rejection but I’ll keep striving for it, one step at a time.

Then there is our own personal goals, writing blends into this category for me as well as the professional one but there are many others. I used to be very fit and exercised a lot. I did everything from athletics to swimming to camogie to dance and that has now faded into just walking and yoga. I definitely want to find more time to improve my fitness but it’s another thing to fit in. Travel, I have so many places in the world I want to see and making this a priority is something I need to look at too. At the moment, I have no desire to live abroad again but I do still long to see more of the world. Time and financial planning needs to be factored in but when you are trying to manage living in the now and saving for the future it can often be put on the back burner.

If we then dive further into our personal lives there is relationships, friendships and family to spend time with. Often, people will have different circles of friends. Some will be from childhood, some from work, some from college and so on and finding time to spend with each other only gets more tricky as we get older.Whether we are single or in a relationship plays a part also, we need to spend time with partners or find time to date. Then there is family relationships which shouldn’t be neglected either although sometimes they are and just to add something else to the mix, we all need some time to ourselves to just be. We need to relax and to re-cooperate. I think it’s important to know how to be in our own company and to know how to be content in that company but more often than not we put ourselves to the end of the priorities list!

There is no denying that time is valuable and the older we get the faster it seems to be passing. While we need to be aware of it and not constantly putting off doing things there is also sometimes in life where unforeseen experiences come our way. We may think we are heading down one road but something completely unexpected could bring us on a very different journey. I guess that’s just life. Society and peers can put a lot of pressure on us to reach certain milestones at certain times and it can be overwhelming but I think the best approach to take is try to find a balance. Balance time as best as you can to fit in the different aims and goals you have in all areas, but also remember that life will throw you plenty of swings and roundabouts in the meantime and we just have to take the turn offs we think are best!

Today would have been your birthday,

and although it’s just another day,

it’s yet another reminder,

you simply couldn’t stay.

I went for a walk today,

and wondered down a country lane.

Knowing you loved nature too,

brought a smile, a tear and a stinging pain.

I wish I could have had you there,

to walk right by my side.

Know one else quite seems to get,

the beauty in every stride.

Someone told me recently,

there is a gift from loss.

A wisdom that comes from a cruel sorrow

will guide you through today and every tomorrow.

Each day is different,

Some you cope and some you don’t.

You do your best to stay strong

but there are days where you simply won’t.

Strong, hard-working, kind and wise,

Just some of the traits you left behind.

You left them in our memory,

Understanding, respect and honesty.

Everyday I wonder,

what it would be like to have you here to talk.

To laugh, to chat, to fight with,

to learn from, to simply alongside you walk.

It sometimes makes me angry

to think we all missed out on so much.

Not just the birthday’s and occasions

but everyday chats and quirks.

And although you won’t be there,

to ever walk me down the aisle,

I know, somehow… you’ll be watching

And guiding me with a smile.

On September 12th myself and my mom set off for 5 days to see the Italian capital. It was my second time visiting as I had previously been there in 2009 for 2 days while interrailing. During my 2 days there the first time round myself and my friend managed to squeeze in quite a bit but what I discovered was there was actually still plenty more we hadn’t seen. Unfortunately, we had to travel to Dublin to get to Rome which added a lengthy three hour bus journey onto the trip. This wasn’t too bad on the way over but coming back it nearly finished me off. After a whole day travelling we got to our hotel about 10pm that night.

Our first day saw us head for St. Peter’s Basilica. I had a rough idea of where to go and thankfully we were quite near a metro line which made things much more convenient. The weather on day 1 was beautiful, about 29 degrees but it was nice to feel the heat for a change. Surprisingly, it didn’t take us too long to get inside but it was quite busy when we did. Even for people who aren’t overly religious there really is something spectacular about the place. Perhaps it’s just the sheer size and grandness of the basilica but you can’t help but be in awe of it. The Pieta, also resides in St. Peter’s which attracted quite a bit of attention. We spent most of the mid morning and early afternoon wondering around inside and even managed to sit in on a service that took place also. Afterwards, we sat outside in the square which really is stunning on a sunny day.

On Wednesday we ventured to another side of the city. The Roman Forum was one of the sites that I didn’t see the last time round and so I was quite eager to catch a glimpse of it. We had to queue for about 20 minutes for tickets and about another 20 afterwards but once inside we were free to roam… (no pun intended). In the afternoon we went to one of my favourite spots, Trevi Fountain. It really is one of the most beautiful sites I have ever seen. Crowds were unfortunately a feature but we managed to grab a few seats on the steps just in front of the fountain and stayed perched there for a few hours.

No visit to Rome is complete without seeing the Sistine Chapel. Hidden away in the corner of the Vatican museum we queued for a painful two and a half hours to get in. The only consolation was that the weather was much cooler so standing around counting how many feet you moved every time the queue crawled forward wasn’t as draining. Eventually, we got inside and it is absolutely stunning within the walls of the Vatican, there is almost too much to visually take in. The negative is the crowds that are swarming around you. I really think they need to implement a better system to manage the  vast numbers of people as it does take away from the overall experience. Back to the positives, the Sistine Chapel is amazing and truly is a masterpiece. You could stare at it for hours wondering if the figures really are about to jump out at you. I think it is certainly worth the wait.

The following day the weather broke and we had to dig out the umbrella, although many had been using them to shelter themselves from the heat earlier in the week. We wandered around a few of the shops, took in the Italian fashion and happened to stumble onto the Spanish steps. On our final day we went to another spot that I hadn’t been to. Piazza del Popolo and the Borghese Gardens. Both were again absolutely beautiful. The gardens made a welcome change to the busy city streets, noise and traffic not to mention it overlooked the entire city. This was actually one of my favourite things that we did while there.

The only criticism I can give Rome is the cost. It really is one of the most expensive places I have ever been. I know it is to be expected to an extent when visiting a tourist city but it was far more expensive than I remembered. Although I was reminded by my friend Ilona who I travelled there with the first time that we were broke in Rome then too! We did have a near miss with a few pick pockets also but luckily they didn’t manage to get anything and instead caught a man nearby before jumping off just as the doors closed. One other surprise was a little thing called city tax. I was not aware of this but apparently it is a tax you have to pay when visiting cities in the EU. I’m still not 100% on it but it added a hefty €70 onto our bill when we checked out! Other than that Rome was far more beautiful than I had remembered and even gave my favourite city, Prague, a serious run for its money.

A lot of people my age will have grown up for the most part watching the iconic comedy sitcom Friends. The series which follows six friends and the trials and tribulations they face in life opens with the Rembrandts “I’ll be there for you”. The famous lyrics “so no one told you life was going to be this way, your jobs a joke you’re broke, your love life’s DOA” sum up just some of the ups and downs we all face when trying to find our way in life. Each of the six characters is completely different and often people will see parts of themselves in one or more of the characters but something I think everyone could agree on is how each one was an individual, and themselves.

Recently I bought a picture for my old bedroom. I’m re-decorating it in the next few weeks and turning it into my writing room. It will be my sanctuary to keep all things writing from my several notebooks and random ideas to books and inspiration. The picture very simply reads “Be You, Be Brave”. It caught my eye and I thought it would be perfect in the room. Four simple words I hope will inspire me to write thousands more. Something I plan to glance at every time I am staring at a blank page or screen with hope that it will motivate me to keep going and to pursue what it is I want regardless of others opinions or expectations.

Following our ambitions and goals can be difficult sometimes. There is a lot of competition out there, rejection and criticism are rife in most professional environments and facing that potential failure can be terrifying. What I say to that fear is… do it anyway. Some of the best lesson’s I have  learned to date have been off the back of some of my most intimidating decisions, ones that I was petrified of at the time. Moving to Limerick, moving to Thailand and moving to Prague, taking an unpaid internship for 13 months, leaving jobs when I didn’t necessarily have anything to follow it up with, tackling my anxiety and many many other decisions that are only for me and close friends to know have all been worth it. So now, at the age of 27, I still have one dream that has been a constant and that is to write. I don’t know how far it will go or if anything will even come of it but it’s a dream so I am going to keep following it.

Even in our day to day lives are we really ourselves? I think sometimes it can be a lot easier to wear a mask and hide behind it but the older I get the more confident I am in who I am. I don’t question my choices, I don’t worry about what other people think of me, I stand up for myself and I don’t apologise for it, I surround myself with the people I want to be around, I wear whatever fashion I want to. I have plenty of flaws, I learn about them and I accept them. All of it makes me who I am and I am proud of every single one of them. When I was even a few years younger I think I would have tried to change myself to make others happy or to be accepted but not now.

To think this whole post came from just thinking about a picture! Anyway… Be you! Be Brave! no matter what the circumstances.

Sometimes I become frustrated when I sit down to write. I want the words to pour out of me but they decide whether or not this will happen. Often, I cannot find a topic I want to write about, other times I have a topic but the words simply don’t flow. It is like sometimes writing rules me yet it is a love that I know feeds my soul.

Sometimes I will sit down to write about one thing and the finished piece reflects something completely different to what I had intended and I have learned that this is part of the process.

Sometimes the struggle is real and I have to force myself to find the time, force myself to endure the blank screen in front of me as my fingers wait to hit the keys on my laptop.

Sometimes I am happy with what I have written, other times I haven’t been able to capture the exact point I was hoping to.

Sometimes people will ask me what I write about, a question I always struggle to answer. It can’t be categorised, it simply is what it is.

Sometimes writing gives me a new lease of enthusiasm for what is possible in life and the opportunities that may await you.

Sometimes writing harbors my secrets and insecurities, my fears and my losses, my hopes and my dreams.

Writing walks beside me like a friend, behind me like a shadow and in front of me like a guide.

Writing offers me solace and strength.

Writing feeds my soul..

After any bad experience people are reassured with phrases like time is a great healer and during those often painful teenage years smothered in uncertainty, self doubt and insecurity, we are assured that as adults we won’t feel that vulnerability because by then it’s assumed that everyone will be well rounded emotionally stable grown ups.In school we are taught algebra, Irish poems that we’ll probably never read again and theorems, none of which I have ever used in my now almost ten years out of secondary education. It begs the question why doesn’t our education system begin to incorporate more practical life skills so that as adults we can implement those skills in our day to day lives.

Our emotional well being is something that I think is vastly underestimated. Luckily, schools and the larger community in general are beginning to wake up to the importance of mental health, emotional well being and self awareness and have begun to speak about and educate students on these topics. This is so important as it enables young adults not to fear them. They are familiar with the ideas surrounding emotional well being and self awareness so that if they do experience them they can recognise and acknowledge what it is they are experiencing. Often not being able to identify the emotions you are feeling can be the most intimidating but if you can take a step back and observe them it will be the first step in dealing with them.

While we are all busy studying for exams, to get the points, to get to college, to get the job that pays well, so that you can make enough money to live the life you’re “supposed”  to live we are all forgetting that even if you achieve all those things life can be difficult. Many of us need to play various roles in our life. In my case it is a daughter, a sister, a godmother, a friend, a work colleague, a writing enthusiast and so on but there are pressures and emotions that go along with all of these individually let alone when you combine them all together. This is the same for almost everyone, we all have responsibilities, some more than others, and they can be overwhelming at times. Being taught how to cope and manage these multiple aspects of day to day life is something which should have a stronger focus in our education system. Now, I know that these may not be the easiest skills to teach but surely with all our Honours degrees and Masters someone can figure it out… No?

Veronica Guerin is always someone I have admired. I’ve always had such a strong interest in writing and since I was old enough to comprehend the story of Veronica Guerin, I have found it fascinating. This woman, a wife, mother, sister and friend became a public icon. She tackled some of the countries most dangerous criminals head on in a bid to expose the over whelming wealth they possessed as a result of drugs regardless of their intimidating threats and violent actions.

When I was about seven or eight years old myself and my family were headed to Mosney for our Summer holiday. On route, we passed the spot where Veronica had been killed. Although young, it is a moment I still remember. My parents spoke about the tragic incident and I looked at the bouquet of flowers which marked the spot where she lost her life. Having studied New Media and English for my Undergraduate Degree and having still had a strong interest in her story,  I chose to study the case of Veronica Guerin in more depth for my final year project. I looked at the framing and the impact gender and crime reporting had on the case. The project only enhanced my interest in Veronica Guerin and I believe it is an event in Irish history that should be continually recognised, particularly as her twentieth anniversary occurs later this month on June 26th.

As Guerin’s twentieth anniversary does draw closer it becomes increasingly frustrating to see gangland violence and feuds dominating news once more. The most recent series of events between the Hutch and Kinahan gangs has resulted in seven deaths so far, one which was as a result of mistaken identity. It’s a stark reminder that although society have fought against criminals such as these in the past we must not become complacent in tackling them further.

Veronica Guerin’s death sparked a number of significant changes in Irish society. The development of the Criminal Assets Bureau later in 1996 is potentially one of the most influential. It enabled criminals’ assets to be seized and taken from them. CAB continue to work to prevent, and track down, suspected proceeds of criminal conduct.

The whole case is one which has shaped the Irish media. Some argue that the criminals were sensationalised by the use of such nick names as “The General” or the “The Monk” but it is also true that the criminals could not be named and there needed to be some way to speak of them. Some argue that The Sunday Independent should have done more to stop Guerin from continually pursuing these criminals at the rate that she was. Ultimately, these were decisions Guerin probably made for herself.

We must also acknowledge that there have been many journalists who have lost their lives as a result of their jobs and that Guerin doesn’t stand alone. She is however, one of the most recognised. This was as a result of new developments in crime reporting which were hitting their peak during the mid nineties. The development of crime correspondents focusing solely on the topic as well as including the journalist’s name alongside their articles made the writers much more public figures. Guerin managed to develop a celebrity status as a result of her writing and she had undoubtedly become a household name although I believe this was the least of her intentions.

There is no denying that Veronica Guerin’s perseverance and determination brought about many changes in Irish society. She is a woman I have tremendous respect for and I only wish I had been old enough to fully appreciate the extent of what she was trying to do when it was all taking place. Regardless of the should haves and would haves in this case there is one thing that cannot be denied and that is Veronica Guerin exposed a generation of criminal gangs. She brought to light the frightening truth about their activity and paid the ultimate price in doing so. We can only hope that her legacy continues to grow and encourage others not to give up the battle.