Social Media and Self Esteem – Where I am at.
Over the last few months I’ve noticed an insecurity in myself that I thought I was over. Said insecurity being, low self-esteem and comparison to others. In my teens and twenties especially, this was a difficult topic for me. I know what you’re thinking, isn’t everyone drowning in self consciousness in their teens and yes, perhaps so. I’m not saying that’s not the case. I’m just thinking out loud. Now thirty – five, newly married, a home owner in a steady job and in a relatively “secure” place in life I thought I would have outgrown these types of insecurities, but no, they are still there.
In my early twenties Facebook was just taking center stage in society. I recall one of the first times I used it where my heart sunk. Someone I liked at the time and was previously seeing had photos of themselves with their new love interest. Automatically I began to compare myself to them. She was blonde, I was brunette. The list of traits and assumptions as to why she was better than me was extensive. Society should have known then how dangerous a world dominated by social media could become for harbouring low self esteem and comparison. Actually, society probably did know, it just didn’t care. I’m not saying social media is solely responsible for everyone’s issues. That would be a blanket statement of huge proportion. I take full responsibility for the fact that I have my issues and have done plenty of counselling. I make no secret of that. But, just how much worse has Instagram and it’s peers made our confidence?
Instagram for me is the worst culprit. New Year’s Day, I woke up and thought, it’s time for a much needed break from “The Gram”. I’d known for a while I needed a bit of a detox from it but I had been putting it off. However, that morning I just logged out, removed the app from my phone and I don’t miss it…yet. Granted, I am only a week in but even that mental break of just a few days away from the scrolling has done me the world of good. I’ve always been hard on myself. I expect 100% from myself at all times, in everything. I mean everything. As a friend, a sister, an aunt, a daughter, an employee, a wife and everything else. I expect myself to be excelling in everything, have all the answers, never get sick, expect my body and mind to keep up and to look impeccable doing it. Enter Instagram… Oh look, there’s this person I knew 10 years ago doing everything I am trying to do, only they have a better job, clearly have more money, travel all over the world, look incredible and seem to have this unfiltered perfection of a life. Now, just to flag, I am fully aware that with social media we are seeing a very curated portion of people’s lives, but hell, it’s one convincing portrayal if you ask me. People either have mastered the art of having the perfect Insta-life, or, they actually do have the perfect life. Also, to clarify, most of the people in my Instagram are people I once was close to at some point during my life. Of course there are some celebrity accounts, some business accounts and so on but for the most part these are ordinary people. I would also like to point out that I have no malice towards these people but I am simply acknowledging that I don’t find it healthy for me to be seeing it every day.
I’m prone to a selfie as much as the next person, I love fashion and style and I love sharing that. I love travel and sharing that too so perhaps others may look at my grid and think something similar about me. Of course, knowing the in’s and out’s of every detail of my life I know that a lot of what I would post about resembles the picture perfect veil. I do try to post about some of the trickier things that I deal with like anxiety, counselling, migraine, grief & PCOS but at times I think people are thinking “Will she give it a rest”. Fair enough if you do think that by the way. It just feeds the inner fear of are you damned if you do and damned if you don’t talk about the heard things too?
My insecurities are my responsibility, they are mine to feel, mine to learn about and mine to grow from. I know that. I just think there is sometimes still a fear of judgement if we say we are not on social media especially if the reason is because it negatively impacts our mental health. I’ve talked to a few people recently though who have also decided that a break is needed. The fear of missing something no longer worries me. I have a close group of friends and if they have news to share, they’ll contact me and vice versa.
I think if I could reduce my use of social media to just my writing that’s the key. It’s a great platform for me to share articles and interviews or other writing related news but the trick is not to slip into aimless scrolling and watch as the inevitable comparison parties kick in. For the foreseeable my aim is to only share writing updates. I will only share via my desktop and automatically through my website and keep it to a 5 minute deadline. Just enough to post the piece and move on again. Like dropping a post card in a post box … how much simpler was that.
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